It is hard to believe that we are in November, welcoming Thanksgiving into our home and staring Christmas in the face. It seems the older I'm getting the faster and faster Christmas arrives each year. In October, we celebrated 3 birthdays in our family, Halloween, and received some sad news. I'll start with the fun stuff and progress to the sad.
In a 7 day period my niece Eisley, my Mom and my Grandmother all have a birthday. I always enjoy hanging out with my family for these occasions. Eisley turned 2, my Mom turned 50-something :), and my Mama Bea (that's what we call my Grandmother) turned 78.
Halloween was fun. Zoe was a harvest fairy this year, and a cute one if I do say so myself!! One of my sweet friends made her tutu and we bought the rest of her outfit from Target & Walmart. Keeping the grand total of her costume under $20.00. That made her daddy happy!!
Two years ago on October 26th Zach & I had been married 2 days shy of 3 months and I was 1 1/2 months pregnant. I know you're doing the math, but no I wasn't pregnant when we got married. That baby was a surprise for us, as we really weren't planning to get pregnant that quickly in our marriage. However, we gave it all over to the Lord and knew He was in control of our situation and marriage. So it came as a shock when we miscarried on the morning of October 26th. Ironically enough, this year this October 26th, I found out that we had another miscarriage. I found out I was pregnant in July, but we didn't tell anyone because we hadn't even confirmed it with our doctor. I knew something wasn't right when I couldn't get another positive test. I figured it was a faulty test, but still didn't feel like everything was normal. During my check-up last week, between running dates and symptoms by my Dr. he confirmed that I had another miscarriage.
I don't claim to understand the ways of my Father. I don't even want to guess at His plan for me, Zach and our family. But, I do hold to His promises that He will give us the desires of our hearts. He knows that I desire more children. I was iffy on even letting this out into the blogging world because my heart cries out for the couples who don't even have one little blessing like I do. But, I know without a doubt the Lord is not only working in my life, but those families as well. So, through all of this I firmly believe that the Lord has birthed a ministry in my heart. This is to allow women who are going through, have gone through or maybe just have questions about miscarriages to have a place to unleash and unwind everything in their heart. It's a traumatic thing for a woman to go through and I know that by talking it out and letting my mind and heart relax with a friend I was able to cope better.
Thank you for reading all of this. It was a piece of my heart that I've been wanting to share, but didn't have the courage/patience to write it. So thank you for taking time to glance into our life.
Two years ago on October 26th Zach & I had been married 2 days shy of 3 months and I was 1 1/2 months pregnant. I know you're doing the math, but no I wasn't pregnant when we got married. That baby was a surprise for us, as we really weren't planning to get pregnant that quickly in our marriage. However, we gave it all over to the Lord and knew He was in control of our situation and marriage. So it came as a shock when we miscarried on the morning of October 26th. Ironically enough, this year this October 26th, I found out that we had another miscarriage. I found out I was pregnant in July, but we didn't tell anyone because we hadn't even confirmed it with our doctor. I knew something wasn't right when I couldn't get another positive test. I figured it was a faulty test, but still didn't feel like everything was normal. During my check-up last week, between running dates and symptoms by my Dr. he confirmed that I had another miscarriage.
I don't claim to understand the ways of my Father. I don't even want to guess at His plan for me, Zach and our family. But, I do hold to His promises that He will give us the desires of our hearts. He knows that I desire more children. I was iffy on even letting this out into the blogging world because my heart cries out for the couples who don't even have one little blessing like I do. But, I know without a doubt the Lord is not only working in my life, but those families as well. So, through all of this I firmly believe that the Lord has birthed a ministry in my heart. This is to allow women who are going through, have gone through or maybe just have questions about miscarriages to have a place to unleash and unwind everything in their heart. It's a traumatic thing for a woman to go through and I know that by talking it out and letting my mind and heart relax with a friend I was able to cope better.
Thank you for reading all of this. It was a piece of my heart that I've been wanting to share, but didn't have the courage/patience to write it. So thank you for taking time to glance into our life.
3 comments:
I am so SORRY Amy! I don't understand why He allows us to go through these things. I do believe we can use our tragic experiences to help others.
I've never misscarried, but I have a friend who did and it was so hard on her.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. You know the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perseverence must finish it's work so you can be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:1-3
Sometimes I like these verses, sometimes I don't. I actually memorized them a few years ago after going through some hard times. These verses came to mind when reading your post. If I can do anything, please do not hesitate to call!
Powerful thoughts and I'm sorry for your hurts. We understand.
Lea had a miscarriage with what was supposed to be our last (4th) child and then we were done. I still don't understand timing or the "whys," of miscarriages, but I do know two years later Cooper came along. I can't imagine that wonderful little boy not being a part of our life, because he has blessed us in so many ways. But I know this, had we not had a miscarriage, Cooper wouldn't have ever come to be. God knew we needed him and he needed us. :) God is wise.
Amy,
Thanks so much for sharing your heart. My heart is so heavy for you. I always wanted to have the perfect marriage and children, but that didn't work out for me. I was meant to be Ciara's mom. God had it planned all along!
I had a funny moment about a month after my mom died. She had had a miscarriage and often I wished that I had a brother or sister that was on earth with me so I wouldn't have been so alone. Suddenly, it dawned on me that my mom was up in heaven with my brother or sister right then. I got experienced severe jealousy of that baby!! I wanted my mom back with me!! This life on earth isn't what it is all about. You will be in my prayers.
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